It was just another day at Extensive Enterprises. The coffee was brewed, the fax machines were hot at work, and most of the employees shuffling papers on the tops floors hardly heard the thunderous sound of the helicopter hovering
inches above the glass skyscraper. Tomax and Xamot, brothers and the alleged ‘bosses’ of Extensive Enterprises, jumped out of their chopper, landed gracefully on the roof of their massive business building and headed immediately to the elevator. Another woman was there already, a pudgy member of the cleaning crew with a small round nose and a shock of red hair.

“I pressed it already.” She announced in a bored tone as Tomax repeatedly jammed his thumb against the lighted ‘down’ button. With nothing else to be done but wait, Tomax and Xamont did their best to act natural and ignore the female janitor’s casual appraisal of their Crimson Guard attire.

“Nice weather today.” Xamont stated awkwardly.
“I wouldn’t know.” The janitor replied coldly. She knew what was coming even before the elevator rolled open. The two brothers stepped in without a word and selected the button marked 'one hundred' and the 'close' button immediately after. Left with her trolley of cleaning supplies which couldn't possible be carted down the stair, the janitor gave the finger to the closed elevator doors and pulled out a tabloid she had hidden in the mop bucket.
True, the owner’s office was only one floor below and anyone (without a cleaning trolley) could have easily taken the stairs, but Tomax and Xamont had tight sceduals and already one person had seen them dressed in their Cobra attire. Tomax pushed the stop button on the elevator and their ride abruptly halted. A metal door slid open in the back of the shaft revealing two tan suits, pressed and fresh from the dry cleaners. The brothers hurried to remove their blue uniforms, delayed for a moment when Xamont got caught in his sash, and adorned their more serious daily business attire.

The suits were identical. Every sleeve, cuff and pink pocket carnation looked alike, but placed backward so that anyone looking at the brothers side by side would see that the suits mirrored each other. Their clothes were not meant to confuse, however, but to emphasize that Tomax and Xamont were, in fact, identical twins. Like their carefully tailored blazers and slacks, they were alike in every way save for a faint scar on Xamont’s cheek left over from their time in the French Foreign Legion.

Tomax handed his neatly folded Crimson Guard uniform to Xamont who placed it on top of his own in the secret compartment. Xamont smiled smugly to himself as he ran a comb through his hair. It had been his idea to keep a spare change of clothes in the elevator.

They worked hard to hide their less-than-legal identities even though everyone in the entire building, including Stanly the doorman and the nosy lady one building over, knew they were a part of Cobra. The Twins were well aware that they weren’t the best at keeping their secret, what with the hundred and thirty four Crimson Guards dressed in the same disguises lingering in the lobby, the weapons, landing pad, and metal poles build directly into Extensive Enterprises that activated when the Twins pushed a button, and, of course, the fact that the G.I. Joe anti-terrorist group stormed the building every other Tuesday. Still, the Twins felt they should keep a low profile when they could.

"Another day another dollar, eh Tomax?" Said Xamot as he fixed his tie. "Indeed it is." Tomax replied arranging his hair so every single piece was in place.
When they were ready they released the elevator and stepped out on their floor. Casually, they walked through the crowd of people waiting just outside, ignoring the glares and muffled grumbling. The Twins had hogged the elevator for a good half hour and only the newbie employees were foolish enough to dare a sprint to the upper floors.
(A former secretary died trying to reach his office on the eighty second floor. It was quickly hushed up and the Twins paid for his funeral.)

The Twins stepped into their spacious, polished office only to find Destro and the Baroness were waiting for them.

“Didn’t we just,” Tomax began. “Leave you?” Xamont finished. It was their on going game to finish each other’s sentences.  

“Cobra Command has information about a vital mission and asked us to gather here to receive his transmission.” Destro explained, watching as the Twins as they took their seats at their identical mahogany desks. All four Cobra leaders waited a bit before the silence became a bit tense.  Cobra Commander can sometimes take awhile, so Destro opened up conversation.

"How goes business?" He asked the Twins. "Same old." Tomax began. "Same old." Xamot finished.

"What took you so long?" The Baroness suddenly snapped. "We saw you arrive and hour ago!" The twin exchanged looks, surprised at the sudden rudeness of the jealous, but typically composed Baroness.

"We were," Tomax began. "Primping." Xamot finished and strangely without shame. "One has to keep a good appearance." They said in unison. This statement only fueled the Baroness’e foul temper.

"You two are ALWAYS late and yet you're captains of the Crimson Guard! If I become tardy will I rise in rank?" The Twins were no longer surprised, but irritated. This attack was completely uncalled for and the Twins leaned forward to better glare at the Baroness.

"That's hitting," Tomax began. "A little too close to home, Baroness." Xamot finished. "We earned our position by skill and leadership. Can you say the same?" They concluded gesturing towards Destro.

"How dare you imply..."
"Never mind the Baroness." Destro interrupted. "It is….uh…...that time of the month"
"Oohhh." The Twins said easing back into their chairs again. The Twins sometimes forgot that the Baroness was a woman at times and such things as PMSing had to be forgiven. This was the first time, however, that anyone but Destro got the 'privilege' to experience it.

"And to think we were," Xamot mused. "About to defend our honor." Tomax ended with a grin. "Is it always this bad?"

"No, it's usually worse!" Desto replied.

"How dare you!" The Baroness shrieked.

"Calm down Baroness." Tomax said in a soothing voice. "Can't we offer you a drink?" Xamot propose.

"Not on your life." The Baroness growled. "And STOP TALKING LIKE THAT!"

"Talking like," Tomax began. "What?" Finish Xamot with a fained look of innocence.

"That! Stop finishing each other's sentences! Why do you do it!? You know it drives everyone crazy!"

"Well, you just answered," Xamot began with a grin. "You're own question." Finished Tomax. Before the Baroness could muster up an adequate retort, the screen began to fuzz and Cobra Commander's face appeared before the make shift council.  "Welcome one and all to Cobra's latest scheme. I..." Cobra Commander paused as he surveyed a seething Baroness, two smug twins, and once utterly exasperated Destro.
"Have you guy been fighting again? How is it that every time I don't show up early you all end up annoying each other?"
“It’s all the twins fault!” The Baroness shouted suddenly. Tomax and Xamont jumped to their feet.
“She started it!” They declared, each pointing a finger in her direction. Meanwhile, Cobra Commander took a moment to rub his forehead and sigh.
“Baroness, no one likes a tattle tale.” He said finally. It would have been wise for the Baroness to stop her complaining here, but the female cycle makes fools of rational women.
“You always let them get away with everything!” She cried. “It’s bloody favoritism!”
“When you get a real job and completely fund the forces of Cobra I’ll let you get away with things too.” The commander replied. “Now, on to business.”
“Yes Commander!” Destro piped up. “What will we be doing today? Building a weather-changing device? Constructing a pyramid of darkness that cuts off all electrical energy? Making dinosaurs from fossils?” Cobra Commander waved away all these suggestions.
“No, no, no. Those things have already been done and Hasbro stopped making scripts for us years ago. No my friends, we are quite alone in our scheming.” The twins exchanged troubled glances.
“Then what will we do now?” They asked.
“Well, with the exception of G.I. Joe, no world military of any real importance takes us seriously any more. We have failed in every mission and have yet to inflict a single casualty in our efforts.”
“Not one?” Destro murmured the words in pure disbelief. “But what about our raid on France? Our attack on the Joe headquarters?”
“They all lived.”
“Didn’t that head Joe, Duke, get stabbed in the movie?”
“There was a quick blurb at the end that said he was alright. No Destro, we haven’t actually killed anyone in our efforts. Now can you see why we are considered a global joke?”
“Then what do we do about it?” The Baroness growled.
“Ah, yes. On to my plan.” The Commander waited a moment to let the tension build. “It has come to my attention that a rare infant species of ‘bos taurus’ has recently been located in the northern regions of Sweden. For what ever reason the US government has seized control of the animal and is stabling it at a place called Penbrun Farms.”
“Bos Taurus?” The Baroness looked to Destro who whispered in her ear.
“A cow.”
"A cow?!” Destro gestured for the Baroness to be quiet, but the Commander had already heard.
“It’s not just any cow!” He protested. “For one thing, it’s technically a calf. For another, it’s the rare Cocoa Bos Taurus! The chocolate cow!” At this the room went silent. Naturally the Baroness was the first to speak.
“Cobra Commander, are you daft? What good is a cow, be it chocolate or strawberry, to Cobra?"
"The chocolate cow is the only cow on earth that naturally provides chocolate milk! I happen to like chocolate milk!" Cobra Commander retorted. "And having some near by would be an advantage."
"Or you could save time and money," Tomax pointed out. "By going to the grocery store and buying the finished product or the ingredients to make the product." Cobra Commander stiffened and sighed.
"Listen men, Cobra has run out of evil schemes for the moment. We need money, but most of all, we need creditability! This could be a step into the light for us if we pull this off. Tomax, Xamot! GET THAT COW!" The Baroness, Destro, and the Twins exchanged glances.
“Can’t Major Bludd do it?” Xamont suggested.
“No. I fired him.” The Commander explained. “He was a leech on the payroll.”
The twins considered the sheer ludicrousy of the order they had been given and shrugged. It's true they haven't had anything fun to do for a while. Why not risk life and limb to obtain the world's only chocolate cow?
"As you wish commander." Xamot said. "Concider Penbrun Farms, De-'calf'-inated." At this the Twins looked at each other and broke out in a fit of maniacal laughter.
"And so it begins." Destro sighed shaking his head.
"Their one liners get worse with every mission." The Baroness agreed watching as the Twins started crying from laughing so hard.
“Destro!”
“Yes Cobra Commander?”
“I want you to go find Zartan and the Dreadnocks. They may come in handy later.”
“What about me?” The Baroness whined.
“You get a time out when you get back! Now, all of you, go!”